


Omission

by RyanTyler2294



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Ulaz is keeping secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 00:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14320827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyanTyler2294/pseuds/RyanTyler2294
Summary: The unexpected happens during a retreat, and Ulaz has to make a decision. Turns out he's been keeping secrets.





	Omission

It happened during a retreat. They all made it back to the castle ship so they could take off, when Shiro’s arm started to glow.

His hand had been on his hip and almost scorched him. He didn’t know why it had turned on, and he couldn’t get it to turn off. By the time they were safely away and able to take a look at it Shiro was holding it away from himself to not feel the heat. Then the palm lit up with a countdown. Coran was the one to translate it.

“It’s counting down until it detonates,” Coran tried not to sound panicked, but it showed. Everyone started talking at once. There were only a few doboshes left on the count down, so they had to move fast. Hunk and Pidge already pulled out the tools and were trying to see if they could open the arm up, but the frame was too hot for the tools to get close, much less their hands.

Shiro, who had remained as composed as he could in this situation, was starting to show signs of distress. He was holding his arm away from himself, but his sides were still turning red as he started to sear. He grimaced trying to get everyone to calm down, but they were down to one dobosh and thirty ticks.

“What are we going to do?” Hunk was stepping back.

Allura was at a loss of words.

“Ow,” Shiro grimaced. “Ow!” His face pinched as he tried not shout, and failed. It was starting to burn up his bicep. His tried not to make any more noise, but ended up screaming as his flesh started to burn and melt. The smell filled the bridge. The countdown was getting lower and the Paladins were getting more worried. No one knew what to do.

It was Ulaz who stepped up. His palm pressed to Shiro’s chest and backed him up to the wall.

“I’m sorry,” Ulaz said as he pulled his blade from it’s sheath, “I’m so sorry.” Shiro looked up at him in confusion before the blade came down and his expression morphed into one of pain.

The cut was supposed to be quick and clean as Ulaz sliced Shiro’s arm off at the shoulder. The scream that erupted from Shiro’s chest was of agony as his arm was cleaved from his body. The gash in his shoulder gushed with blood when Ulaz had to paused mid cut to apply more pressure to pop the joint loose and continue the laceration.

“Oh my God!” Hunk covered his mouth as he tried to keep from throwing up. Lance was behind him, shocked and speechless. Pidge shrieked in terror. Even when they had fought in battle they had yet to see such gore.

The limb plopped to the floor in a pool of blood. The metal sizzled and sputtered as it continued to heat up. Allura gasped and stepped back when the limb landed not to far from her. The Paladins were too horrified to move. Shiro wailed and clutched at his bleeding wound, tears and snot streaming down his face.

 He kept looking from his stump, to his arm on his floor, to Ulaz. He was shaking, still in shock and denial of what had happened.

“Throw that out the airlock,” Ulaz barked when the others were still terrified from what they had just witnessed. Keith snapped out of it first and managed to get rid of the arm while Ulaz snatched Shiro up and got him to a healing pod.

The next few varga were tense. They all sat around the pod, waiting. No one said anything, but they were giving Ulaz the side eye. They weren’t sure how to feel about what just happened. No one knew what the correct action was in this kind of situation, but they also wouldn’t have gone with cutting Shiro’s arm off.

“He should be out in a few doboshes,” Allura’s voice broke the silence. “He’ll be a little tired because of blood loss, but other than that he’ll make a full recovery.”

Ulaz got up and left the room once he heard Shiro would be okay.

No one stopped him.

~.~.~.~.~

Keith knew he could find Ulaz on the observation deck. It was where Ulaz and Shiro spent a lot of their time together after a stressful mission. And after what happened today there was no way Ulaz didn’t need time to decompress.

Ulaz sat facing the window watching the stars drift by. He was slouched over, his shoulders slumped. His ears were down and pressed flat against his head. There was a soft whimpering coming from his direction, which Keith could only imagine with the Galra version of crying.

“Hey,” Keith called out to him. Ulaz turned to face him, trying to look composed, but was clearly in distress.

“Shiro’s asking for you,” Keith fully entered the room.

“I can’t imagine he wants to see me after all that,” Ulaz turned back to the window.

“He’s been trying to figure out where you were since he got out.” Keith stood next to where Ulaz sat. There was a beat of silence. “He’s not mad at you.”

A short bark like noise sounded from Ulaz, which Keith could only equate to a sarcastic chuckle.

“How could he not be?” Ulaz sulked.

“Look,” Keith sat down. “He’s not thrilled about losing his arm again, but he’s not mad at you either. No one knew what to do, and time was running out. You saved everyone. There’s no way he’s holding a grudge over that.”

“But it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t had the prosthetic attached in the first place.”

“That’s not your fault,” Keith reasoned.

“Yes it is,” Ulaz sighed and then he started to confess. “I was the one who picked him out for Hagar’s next subject. I didn’t know him at the time and I had to prove to Hagar that I was just as dedicated to the project as she was. Shiro was already a gladiator and I suggested the arm to enhance his capabilities.”

Keith could only look at Ulaz as he told the story. They all knew that Ulaz must have done some horrible things while he was with the Empire: it came with undercover work. He couldn’t seem suspicious or he would ruin the whole operation. But no one knew exactly how far he had gone. They had just been grateful that he had freed Shiro.

“I was the one to take his arm,” Ulaz declared with lament. “We didn’t sedate him properly. It was always tricky figuring out what the proper dosage of sedative to keep him out was. He woke up when we were half way done. The whole time just begging for someone to show mercy. He looked at me, always at me with these sad, pained eyes. And I could only continue my work, just hoping he would pass out and stop looking at me like that.”

Keith didn’t know how to react. Part of him wanted to be mad, but he could tell Ulaz was punishing himself already. And knowing that the first amputation was the direct cause for the second must be killing him on the inside.

Everyone could tell that Ulaz cared deeply for Shiro. He was the first one to tend to Shiro’s wounds, was always there to help in battle. And Keith may not know much about the body language of Galra, but even he could see that Ulaz constantly looked at Shiro with endearment. And sometimes Keith saw when Shiro gave Ulaz the same look.

Keith wasn’t sure if there was a romantic relationship, but he could tell they both had feelings for each other. It only made it harder for Ulaz to harbor his secret.

“Have you told him yet?” Keith asked.

“No. But I know he’ll ask eventually, and when he does I’ll tell him the truth.”

“Maybe telling him before he asks will make things easier on the both of you,” Keith suggested. Ulaz and Shiro had a system set up when it came to dealing with Shiro’s amnesia. When Shiro started to remember an incident, Ulaz would fill in the blanks. This way Ulaz didn’t bombard Shiro with completely foreign information.

“Maybe,” Ulaz sighed.

“You feel guilty about it, I get that, but you don’t want to wait too long to tell him something like that. The longer you wait the worse it will get.”

“I don’t think he’ll forgive me.” Ulaz confessed. “And I would mourn the loss of that friendship grately.”

“You don’t have to do it now, but you should do it sooner rather than later,” Keith said. “But right now you should go to him. He really wants to see you.”

~.~.~.~.~

Shiro’s arm hurt. It wasn’t there, but he could still feel it throb in pain. He grit his teeth and pushed through it. It was better than actually being burnt alive. But he still hadn’t gotten over it. He kept flashing back to Ulaz’s hand pushing him into the wall before he lopped off his arm.

The pain, the shock, watching his own arm fall to the floor. It was something he was going to have nightmares about.

Everyone was trying to be nice about it, but for the moment he wanted to go to his room and decompress.

“Where did Ulaz go off to?” He asked. Ulaz had been the one to save them, and he wanted to thank him properly.

“He left a little while ago,” Pidge told him. “I’m not sure where he went though.”

“Left? You mean he left the ship?” Shiro asked in confusion. He couldn’t see Ulaz going off without making sure he was okay first.

“Not like that,” Hunk corrected, “He’s somewhere on the ship.”

“You shouldn’t be worried about that right now,” Allura cautioned. “You should rest while we figure out what to do about…”

“The arm,” Shiro finished for her. He looked down at his vacant right side. “I’m not sure how I’m going to pilot Black Lion now. The controls are…”

“We’ll work something out,” Allura promised him. “Don’t worry about it for now. There are no immediate threats for the moment so we have some time to regroup.”

“You’re right,” Shiro finally caved. “I’m gonna head to my room, maybe get some sleep.”

“If we see Ulaz should we send him your way?” Hunk asked.

“Yeah, let him know I want to talk to him.”

Since then Shiro had been in his room sulking. He should be more upset than he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to cry. He just laid on his back looking up at the ceiling. It wasn’t the worst thing to happen, but he still wasn’t sure what to do with himself now. If he couldn’t pilot the Black Lion, what purpose did he serve on this ship?

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Things would work out somehow, right?

There was a faint beep in his room. He shot up thinking it could be another bomb before he realized that it was the room’s alert to let him know someone was entering. The doors swished open and Ulaz stepped through the threshold.

“Ulaz,” Shiro greeted him with a smile.

“Keith said you were looking for me,” The doors closed behind him.

“I was,” Shiro said. “I wanted to thank you for, ya know, saving everyone.”

Ulaz had a grim expression despite the praise.

“I’m not mad at you,” Shiro assured him, knowing what Ulaz was upset about. “Yes, I’m down an arm, but I’m still here. It was a brief moment of pain so I could live another day.”

“I’m sorry it had to come to this,” Ulaz kept a distance between them.

“Sit down,” Shiro pat the spot next to him. He and Ulaz were usually comfortable around each other in these situations, but now Ulaz reluctantly crossed the distance between them and sat down. “I’m not mad at you,” Shiro assured him.

“It’s more than that,” Ulaz sighed.

Shiro sighed as well. He leaned forwards and rest his forehead on Ulaz’s shoulder. For a while, no one said anything. Shiro came closer until he was tucked against Ulaz’s side. The silence lingered uncomfortably until Ulaz put his arm around Shiro as he cleared his throat.

“I have to tell you something very important,” Ulaz started to say. “And I just want you to know before I tell you that I’ve regretted everything since the moment it happened, since the moment I made the decision.”

“Ulaz?” Shiro looked up at him in question. “What are you talking about?”

“And I understand if you hate me afterwards, and want me off the ship.”

“I already know that you were forced to do things that…”

“Please,” Ulaz put some distance between them, “Just let me tell you this.” Ulaz started to explain the entire incident around Shiro’s arm. He didn’t want to see the look on Shiro’s face as it dawned on him what Ulaz’s words meant, but he forced himself not to look away. He saw the way Shiro’s face scrunched in confusion, when it sank into hurt and betrayal, when Shiro was no longer able to look him in the eye.

“Everything up to now has been my fault,” Ulaz went on. “I have done everything I could to make up for it, to rectify what I did, but the guilt tunnels in my head. I always feel guilty. The more time that passes the worse it feels.” Ulaz explained. “I had to tell you sometime, and I didn’t want to wait until you asked and it seemed as though I was avoiding telling you. I know it’s a lot to take in, but if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you…”

“Get out,” Shiro’s voice was so soft Ulaz almost didn’t hear him.

“Shiro?” Ulaz felt his heart sink.

“I’m not, I don’t, I just need some space right now so please just, get out.”

“Okay,” Ulaz stood and started to leave. He paused at the door. He wanted to say more, but thought better of it, and left.

~.~.~.~.~

Hunk had a plate of food in hand as went to check in on Shiro. He hadn’t been at dinner. Keith said that he was fine and just needed some rest, but eating right was a part of getting well. After losing a limb and all that blood, something to eat would do him some good. He even added a little something sweet for a nice little dessert.

He placed his hand on the scanner to gain entrance, but for some reason the scanner blinked red and some Altean text popped up. He should have followed Pidge’s lead and took the time to learn Altean.

“What are you doing?” Speak of the devil, Pidge was on her way to her own room and spotted him.

“I tried to bring Shiro something to eat but the scanner isn’t working.”

“Let me see,” Pidge tried it out and got the same message and flashing red panel.

“What does it mean?” Hunk asked.

“The short version? He set it to “Do No Disturb.” No one is able to enter until he turns it off.” Pidge explained. “Keith was probably right. He just needs some time to himself.”

“Yeah,” Hunk sighed in defeat, “I’ll leave this in the kitchen for him then.”

“You’re worried too?” Pidge asked.

“We all are,” Hunk said. “But I’m sure he’ll bounce back. He didn’t look to shaken when he came out of the pod.”

“I know.” Pidge put her hands in her pockets. “But Ulaz seems kind of, defeated since he went to go talk to him. And we all know he tells Ulaz more than he tells us.”

“You don’t think Ulaz knows something important and hasn’t told us, do you?”

“Maybe.” Pidge admitted. “It might be something small, but, it seems big.”

“Not much we can do about it,” Hunk said as they entered the kitchen. Lance and Keith were still eating and Coran and Allura were talking with them.

“Any luck,” Coran asked.

“Nope,” Pidge informed them. “Turns out Shiro figured out how to lock us out of his room.”

“He just needs space,” Keith told them. “Once he’s ready, he’ll talk to us.”

“I agree with Keith,” Allura said. “If he’s still holed up in his room tomorrow then we’ll do something. For now it’s best to leave him alone. Besides, he’s probably sleeping. For now we need to figure out who will pilot what lion in Shiro’s absence. He’s not fit to be at the helm anymore.”

“How do we go about that?” Hunk asked.

“I think it would be best if we let all of you try to see if you can connect to Black Lion. If none of us can, then we’ll have to look elsewhere. I’m not sure how to go about that, but we’ll deal with it if we have to.”

“Guys,” Lance stood up. “I think you maybe looking at your new leader.”

“Please,” Pidge rolled her eyes. “You’re the last one it would pick.”

“Hey! I have leadership qualities.”

“That’s a little questionable,” Pidge crossed her arms. “I think I could do it. I am the smartest one here. I would be a good at planning.”

“What’s up with you Keith, you look a little nervous?” Hunk noticed. All eyes turned to Keith, who did look a little sheepish.

“When we all got separated and Shiro and I were stuck on that planet I managed to pilot Black Lion to save Shiro. After that he said he wanted me to take over if anything happened. At first I thought he was just delirious because of the pain, but later when we were flying back to the Marmora base he reminded me again that if anything happened he wanted me to take over.”

There was a brief moment of silence that Lance broke.

“And why are we just hearing about this now?” Lance huffed.

“Because I didn’t think anything would happen to him,” Keith said. “I didn’t think I would ever have to.”

“Well I for one would like Shiro to confirm this story.” Lance demanded.

“You can ask him later,” Allura said. “But Shiro’s blessing won’t mean anything if the Black Lion doesn’t accept Keith.”

“So there’s still a chance that someone else might get to be Black Paladin?” Pidge asked.

“You never know who the Lions will choose. I was very surprised that they picked you all, but so far it’s showed to be the right decision. Everyone can take turns tomorrow and we’ll figure out what we’re going to do from there.”

“Sounds fair,” Hunk agreed. They all nodded and decided to wait and see how it would go.

~.~.~.~.~

As much as Shiro wanted to hide in his room, he was supposed to be the leader. The others looked up to him. He couldn’t spend the next week in his room crying. Not that he had been crying. He hadn’t been able to muster tears. He was hurt, but he only felt cold and hollow when Ulaz explained to him what had been the reasoning behind his arm getting taken.

He didn’t know what he was feeling, but he didn’t like it. And he didn’t want to talk about it yet. He needed time to pull himself together, but he didn’t have that. They were fighting a war, trying to free the universe. He can’t just lay around feeling sorry for himself.

He made an appearance at breakfast. He got there before everyone so he could fumble with the food goo dispenser without them watching him. He wasn’t left handed but he was learning to make do with it. He had to grip his spoon a bit tighter, but he was managing.

“Good morning,” Ulaz greeted him. There was a touch of apprehension in his voice. He and Shiro hadn’t spoken since yesterday.

“Morning,” Shiro said. Not one to let things linger he jumped right into the problem at hand. “We need to talk.”

“I am willing to any time you would like,” Ulaz said.

“After training,” Shiro decided.

“You plan on participating after what happened?” Ulaz didn’t hide his displeasure. “You should still be avoiding strenuous activities.”

“I’m not going to be sparing or anything, but I should be there to help monitor how things are going.”

“I know morale is important, but you must also think of yourself.” Ulaz insisted.

“You’re up?” Hunk sounded surprised when he came into the room. The others weren’t too far behind him as they all started to stumble in to eat.

“Good to see you’re doing well,” Allura greeted. She took her usual seat at the head of the table. “How did you sleep?”

“Well” was the short answer.

“That’s good.” Allura nodded. “We’re going to let the other Paladins try to connect with Black Lion so…”

“Keith is the one who has to pilot her. She told me so a while back,” Shiro said before taking another spoonful of food goo in his mouth.

“What!” Lance squawked. “That’s no fair!”

“You can try to if it will give you some piece of mind,” Shiro shrugged. “But she was very clear about who she wanted.”

“Let’s settle this! Right after breakfast we’ll go down and we’ll put this whole thing to rest,” Lance declared.

“How have you been holding up?” Pidge asked.

“I’m not a lefty so everything is tricky, but I’m getting used to it,” Shiro admitted. He hadn’t changed his clothes from yesterday yet, and he hadn’t attempted to shave his stubble. He wasn’t going to chance putting a blade that close to his throat with his less dexterous hand. He did managed to brush his hair. That hadn’t been hard at all.

“But you’re okay?” Hunk asked.

“It’s an adjustment, and it might take some time, but I’ll be okay,” Shiro assured them with his best smile. He could hear everyone let out the breath they had been holding.

Once breakfast was done they filed down to the lion hangar. Black Lion was all the way in back in her usual spot. Shiro let a real smile grace his face when he saw her. He still remembers the first day he saw her and how amazed he had been. The first flight had been surreal. He was going to miss it.

“Hey girl,” He said aloud. The lights in Black Lion’s eyes lit up and she brought her head down to the floor. Shiro placed his hand on her nose as he told her, “I got hurt pretty bad yesterday. I don’t think I’ll be able to fly you anymore. But Keith is here.”

He could feel her energy course through his hand. He could feel their connection fade, but not sever. He could no longer understand her the way he once had. He could only get a vague impression of what she was trying to communicate. It was in this moment, that he felt her say goodbye.

Tears sprang to his eyes before he could stop them. It felt like his heart was breaking.

“Alright,” he had to clear his throat to keep from crying. He wiped his eyes so he could pull it together. “Let’s get going. The quicker we find a new Paladin the quicker you guys can start to train with the new arrangements.”

All of the Paladins tried to connect before Keith went in. Black Lion lit up to greet him. Lance huffed and threw a short hissy fit. He was more disappointed than angry. But now they had to shuffle Paladins around to find out who went where. The matter was settled shortly and Coran suggested they land somewhere so they could all get some practice.

Allura agreed that it would be training for the day, which meant that Shiro wouldn’t be needed for the moment. He decided to step away for a bit. He wanted to give Keith time to take charge and be a leader. If Shiro was on the com links he knew that the others would defer to him, and they needed to start to adjust.

He went for a walk. The ship was big enough that he could meander, and he did for what felt like a varga. He thought about hitting the training room, but he didn’t need that right now. He was supposed to be taking it easy, and he didn’t need grief from the others when they found out he wasn’t.

He spotted Ulaz in the lounge. He was reviewing something on his tablet. He liked to stay up to date on his fellow Blades’ missions.

“Hey,” Shiro called out to him. Ulaz looked up, surprised.

“Hello,” Ulaz greeted him. He looked uneasy as Shiro entered the room and sat next to him. “Kolivan thinks he may have a mission for me.”

“You’re leaving?” Shiro asked.

“It could be a long term mission yes,” Ulaz answered.

“How long is long term.”

“Maybe more than a few phobes.”

Shiro frowned. Ulaz was supposed to act as their liaison. He helped them coordinate with the Blades and helped them navigate the cultures of the planets they assisted. He was an asset to the team. He saved them from a lot of diplomatic blunders when Coran and Allura’s information was outdated.

“I see,” Shiro said. “This is kind of sudden. Have you told Allura about this yet?”

“No. I was going to wait until they were done with training.”

“Is this because of, because of my arm?”

Ulaz was quiet for a second, never breaking eye contact, before he spoke, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. This way I can still be of service to the rebellion.”

“You don’t make me uncomfortable,” Shiro said.

“You told me to get out. I assumed…”

“That’s not what I meant,” Shiro cut him off. “I was upset. That was a lot to hear after everything that happened that day. I just needed some space.”

“You were angry.”

“Not at you.”

Ulaz looked at him like he didn’t believe him.

“Okay, a little bit at you, but only initially.” Shiro corrected. “I wasn’t sure who to be mad at. I know you had to maintain cover, and our paths crossed by chance. I know you have a job to do and that the ends are of more worth than the means I just…why did you choose then to tell me? Why did you wait so long?”

“I wasn’t sure how to tell you.” Ulaz said. “How do you tell someone you’re personally responsible for mutilating them? That you’re the reason for so much pain and sorrow? Especially when you care deeply for them.” He grasped Shiro’s hand. “I was unfair, but I couldn’t bring myself to face you.” There was a waver in Ulaz voice. “I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Shiro put his head on Ulaz’s arm. “It’s not you I’m mad at. Everything has been wrong. Wrong from how I thought my life would turn out. And recently, I’m not sure why I’m even on this ship. I can’t fly, I can’t fight. At least when I was a Paladin it made me feel like everything was worth it, like I had a purpose. I made it feel like all that suffering was worth something. But right now I’m just dead weight.”

“That’s not true,” Ulaz told him. “You have a brilliant mind. They will need your guidance, your wisdom in strategy. You’re so much more than your body.”

Shiro stayed silent. Ulaz put his other arm around him and pulled him closer.

“I’m sorry,” Ulaz said again. “If I could take away all your pain, I would.”

“I know,” Shiro told him. “It’s one of the things I love about you.”

“You lo…”

“There you are we…” Allura paused in the doorway, the other Paladins behind her.

“What’s up?” Shiro sat up, moving out of Ulaz’s hold in the process. This wasn’t the first time he and Ulaz had been caught in similar positions. Each time the others never knew how to react.

“We were going to break for lunch.” Allura said. “We figured we could catch you up on how training went.”

“Let’s go have lunch then,” He stood up, slipping his hand away from Ulaz so he could support himself when he started to stand. Ulaz opened his mouth to protest the separation, but decided against it. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have around the other Paladins. He was hoping that in private Shiro would clarify his earlier thought before he had to go on his mission.

“You coming?” Shiro turned to Ulaz with a small apologetic smile. It was a promise. They would finish this later.

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Comments feed the author! Let me know what you guys think.  
> Also there's more uliro goodness on my [Tumblr](https://ryan-masamune-of-oshu.tumblr.com) Both art and drabbles that don't make it here.


End file.
